tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post5568194848554152812..comments2023-10-21T06:09:27.793-05:00Comments on ..Lola B's HAS MOVED to kaseybuick.com: Infidelity....Kaseyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15629347779737137237noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-13930309844787307592009-12-17T12:24:58.655-06:002009-12-17T12:24:58.655-06:00Thanks for the post!!! I have been there. I chose ...Thanks for the post!!! I have been there. I chose to stay and my husband works really hard to be a better person, father husband. It still brings a tear to my eye when I think about it but I can truly say that our family of 6 is very happy and I am glad I stayed. I trust him and know that he has programs in place to make sure he doe not go down that path again. As I write this it may have been different if it had been one woman that he shared his thoughts etc with. He was drinking when he cheated. He has been sober 10 years and I am soooo grateful for all of his hard work that he does everyday with the help of the Lord and AA.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10912217202212958637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-39557725482731744782009-12-11T22:02:33.077-06:002009-12-11T22:02:33.077-06:00I was the other woman. Here is this former mistres...I was the other woman. Here is this former mistress' tale of why and how it happened.<br /><br />I am a life-long Christian well past her 20's who never would have thought that she could commit such a sin. Then why? By choice, he shamelessly initiated it and I shamelessly succumbed and continued it for 1 year. In my mind, I loved this man passionately, I felt we were meant to be together and that he should dump his wife of 2 years, who at the time was pregnant with their first child. It ultimately ended because my lover would not leave his family for me, even though I had the nerve to pray for MY suffering to end, and for my lover to fulfill OUR destiny to be together. This is how distorted sin made me. Eventually, God healed this distortion, and I finally ended it.<br /><br />What have I learned about infidelity that you may want to know?<br />* Trust your intuition. My lover's wife suspected his infidelity although we were very discreet. I know this because she started to do things like unexpectedly drop by his office and demand he be at home at certain times. If your internal warning system goes off - you are probably right.<br />* Be wary of your husband's female friendships. Before it turned physical, we were truly just casual friends for at least 6 years. It changed when due to an event we started spending more time together, talked more and more and became very good friends, which led to a non-sexual emotional affair, which eventually escalated into sinful disaster. THE WORDS OF CINDY SHEA ABOVE ARE TRUE!<br />* Cheating birds of a feather flock together. If your husband is friends with a cheater - watch out! I regularly socialized with my lover, his friends and their lovers. They were all cheaters and "had each other's backs."<br />* It does not matter how good a homemaker, beautiful or accomplished the wife is. My lover's wife was beautiful in face and body, a doctor, and in my lover's words "a good girl." I thought I could take this man because sin made me stupid and I felt entitled to him. I too am very beautiful in face and body, as well as an entertainment lawyer, up to this point a good girl, and a woman with a seductive lair (i.e., magazine-worthy chic, always picture perfect and ready for him with sumptuous food, drinks, candles, etc.). In other words, a wife's worst nightmare.<br />* It IS worth it to work at being a "good" wife (see other comments). Some men are subject to sexual temptation AND their ego. I think my lover's wife took his devotion for granted. By his own comparisons, he craved me because I was better arm candy and lavished him with superior attention, praise, sex and physical comforts. Also, he was electrified by our affair. Just think about it. Everything about an affair is more stimulating than regular life. I'm not saying that being a "good" wife can prevent infidelity (its not her fault), but it doesn't hurt to bring your "A game" to the relationship and keep it stimulating.<br />* Love and marital vows powerfully favor the wife. I believe that my lover loves his wife despite his infidelity. I also believe that he loved me (see friendship point above), but clearly our passion and my attributes (see above) were NOT sufficient reasons for him to voluntarily leave his family. The mistress and the wife are held by the cheating man in two separate worlds which he intends to never intersect. My lover actually told me this and so have some of his fellow cheating friends. I'm a curious girl - so I asked.<br />* Once a cheater, perhaps always a cheater. Two years later my cheater still seeks to resume the affair. And yes, he did cheat again - with another woman while away on business. I know because he told me. You see, we have professional ties and are still on friendly terms. Scary right? However, I do not believe that serial infidelity is inevitable since each man has a choice.<br /><br />I am not proud of this episode in my life. Please know that I have given the above account with the best intentions. It is a warning of what sin can do. Further, knowledge of the inner workings of the potential "players" is key.<br /><br />- Former MistressAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-79392859948830049622009-12-11T20:40:12.347-06:002009-12-11T20:40:12.347-06:00I was that wife. He cheated once, and I took him b...I was that wife. He cheated once, and I took him back, forgave and trusted again. Then after 6 years of marriage, I started finding links to girls, not to far from my home, “adult services” I kept quite and watched, well spied. You see he had not been working, I was supporting him and our three year old son, and I waited to see. Then the day before our seven year wedding anniversary, we had gone to visit a friend out of town, I woke up, walked down the hall with my heart pounding, and there it was, my proof, my last straw. She was blond, kid-less, fun, 21. I saw everything. He changed the locks on our home, emptied our bank accounts, told everyone in our small town I cheated on him including my parents and our son….and months of damage later, he left. I haven’t seen him in two months. Our son hasn’t seen him in two months. If I could ever go back, I would have told myself NOT to ever forgive, even once. He was weak, and when things got hard, the only two times that they were vary hard, he found someone else. How will I explain these things to my now four year old? I hope I find a way that doesn’t leave him with too much anger in life…Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-21447155668211568792009-12-11T00:46:24.377-06:002009-12-11T00:46:24.377-06:00Nothing has ever made me grow up faster than this ...Nothing has ever made me grow up faster than this topic.<br />My world was shattered, life was not as sweet and magical as I always thought it was and I learned God is the only man who will never fail me.<br />I pray that women who are going through this painful process will look to God for comfort.Angela Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15793871401476403202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-11086226339514089612009-12-07T08:36:52.605-06:002009-12-07T08:36:52.605-06:00I feel that I have to respond to some of the remar...I feel that I have to respond to some of the remarks made after my comment. I never said that if you do x, y, z your man will NEVER cheat on you. Can anyone disagree that being an attentive wife and trying really hard increases the chance for success in your marriage? Yes there are lots of creeps out there, male or female, and nothing will keep them from cheating. I just felt like I had to clarify my previous comment. It's hard to have a thorough discussion just commenting like this, so I hope I haven't offended anyone.<br /><br />My heart goes out to those that have been cheated on. It is really an awful thing and I hope you find peace in your life.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17480939903983271555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-36943408483966484662009-12-07T07:02:28.851-06:002009-12-07T07:02:28.851-06:00My grandfather cheated, my father cheated, my uncl...My grandfather cheated, my father cheated, my uncle cheated, my high school boyfriend cheated, my two brother in-laws cheated, my president cheated, the Bishop of my church cheated, my neighbor cheated, oh and yes my EX -husband cheated.... gosh I wish I was prettier and could cook!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-75631527428818639482009-12-06T21:08:53.774-06:002009-12-06T21:08:53.774-06:00What kind of daughters are we raising ?
Wouldn&#...What kind of daughters are we raising ? <br />Wouldn't it be nice to say NO ! I'm sorry, your MARRIED. I don't THINK SO !Carolinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-71553301139686256242009-12-06T19:59:02.316-06:002009-12-06T19:59:02.316-06:00I would like to tell Amy (a couple of posts up) th...I would like to tell Amy (a couple of posts up) that I am praying for you and your husband. If anyone else reading these posts is a believer I ask you to pray for them as well. Blessings to you Amy.Taminoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-89218733643284608992009-12-06T14:34:10.606-06:002009-12-06T14:34:10.606-06:00My first marriage of three years ended because of ...My first marriage of three years ended because of infidelity... I later met my soulmate and have been happily married for 17 years!!! It does happen... too much too often!!! Loved reading your blog!!<br />IsabelMaison Doucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09421933274570517543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-35673632346351884492009-12-06T13:51:32.634-06:002009-12-06T13:51:32.634-06:00whew...what an ordeal this is.
Susanwhew...what an ordeal this is.<br />Susansusannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-77049381994724612462009-12-06T11:15:19.052-06:002009-12-06T11:15:19.052-06:00It's funny you happened to post this right now...It's funny you happened to post this right now. On Monday night my husband "worked" late, and I knew there was something wrong. He and his nurse - with whom he shares and office - had been doing a lot of things that I thought were inappropriate. Texting all day long, facebook late at night, in, in general, just confiding in each other things that are not meant for anyone but their own spouses (she is married and has 4 children, we have 3). I had asked him hundreds of times to STOP. He constantly assured me it was innocent, but deep down I knew it wasn't. On Tuesday evening he came home from work and sat me down and told me that I had been right. Their relationship had developed into something inappropriate. Nothing physical had happened, but the night before when he was late coming home, they had been discussing their feelings. During this discussion she told him she didn't love her husband and that she had loved MY husband for nearly two years. She told him that she would leave him tomorrow if my husband would leave me. During those two years, my family has been through some of the most difficult things of my life. Our fourth daughter was still-born and because of the complications my health has been poor. I have had surgery and constant pain. My second daughter had a life threatening illness and was hospitalized for nearly two weeks. Through all of this, my husband was my life-line. He kept me sane. His presence was healing for me and I desperately needed him. Now that everything has come out, I can't help but wonder if he really wasn't there for me. He was physically there, but not emotionally. That is the hardest part to deal with. The physical indiscretions are awful, but even though none of that happened, the emotional indiscretions are devastating.<br /><br />I don't want to portray my marriage as anything that it's not, but in my eyes, we were happy. I have NEVER, EVER considered doing anything like this, and while I knew they were flirting, I still believe he loved me. I still do believe that he loves me. <br /><br />He made the right choices. He told her that he couldn't leave his family, that he loved me, and that he couldn't be a part of breaking up her family. He is trying desperately to earn my love and trust back and to assure me that none of this was my doing. It is easier said than done though. I don't know that I will ever fully trust him, or that I will ever believe that it wouldn't have happened if I were a better wife. Thinner, prettier, more "doll-ed up", a better housekeeper, a better friend, a better mom, etc.<br /><br />Although he has never "cheated" on me by the world's definition, to me, he has. I would much rather have him have sex with a random woman, than to hear that he loves someone other than me. That he thinks about her when he is home with me. That kind of betrayal breaks my heart, and this has been, by far, the most heartbreaking week of my life. Burying my baby doesn't even compare. Please, if you ever consider developing an inappropriate friendship with a married man, DON'T DO IT!! The repercussions are endless.<br /><br />I'm so sorry this is so long! Thank you for being someone I can "vent" to.amygarfield45@yahoo.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-19754383996535413182009-12-06T09:14:41.235-06:002009-12-06T09:14:41.235-06:00I agree Kasey. Marraige is hard work. I was marrie...I agree Kasey. Marraige is hard work. I was married once before to a cheater. I have two different views of what a true marraige is. I thank God everyday I have a wonderful man now. I'm blessed.<br /><br />Many Sunday blessings to you.<br />~Warmly, ~Melissa :)Melissa Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04112514946365838427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-66313426867468279712009-12-06T08:36:48.167-06:002009-12-06T08:36:48.167-06:00It all boils down to morals and self respect.
The...It all boils down to morals and self respect.<br /><br />The women had no morals to have sex with a married man.<br /><br />They had no self respect either.<br />I can't believe they can even 'come forward', proud of the fact that they sinned.<br /><br />wow.Dianenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-39591967912788922452009-12-05T21:42:36.092-06:002009-12-05T21:42:36.092-06:00I disagree with Jemm.......
i GUARANTEE men still...I disagree with Jemm.......<br /><br />i GUARANTEE men still cheat while having all the sex they ever need or want with the wife.........<br /><br />All i can say is the mistresses are giving 'women' a really bad name right now.<br /><br />They ALL KNEW he was married.<br /><br />and didn't care.<br /><br />what does that tell you ?!!<br /><br />They should have had enough SELF RESPECT TO WALK AWAY............BUT NO !!!!!!!!!!<br />They knew exactly what they were doing...........<br /><br />sick.<br />all of it.<br />sick.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-7184709968650392712009-12-05T19:47:25.052-06:002009-12-05T19:47:25.052-06:00I think once we realize that there is no good or b...I think once we realize that there is no good or bad. It is o.k. to disagree to have arguments. As long as there is honesty and open communication, (which isn't always pleasant) you will always move forward as a couple. After 13 years as a couple I feel more open and comfortable and content in our relationship. My first husband of 22 years, left me for a 22 yr old babysitter...uhhh we never disagreed or argued, we also never communicated. I didn't think I and my 3 children would survive the divorce, but now my life is better and more full and rewarding than ever.krys kirkpatrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06532504859795540595noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-88773387007024217952009-12-05T13:18:37.370-06:002009-12-05T13:18:37.370-06:00I don't believe I have ever commented before, ...I don't believe I have ever commented before, but I do love your blog. I appreciate your authenticity.<br /><br />I think, we has women, need to raise the standards for men. By pretending like we can somehow "prevent" cheating by being attentive wives, cooking meals or having lots of sex, we are indicating that we have some responsibility in the choice of our partners to cheat. That is ridiculous. <br /><br />I just finished a men and masculinities class, with an A. After taking this class, I feel sorry for the messages that our culture sends to men. I feel even more sorry that women buy into them too. We live in a hyper-sexual culture, that is certain. But women are every bit as sexual as men. Women aren't as visually stimulated, but what does that have to do with cheating? (thanks, Simone)<br /><br />In a reverse situation, say a husband was tempted to cheat, but chose not to. Say he came home and told his wife about the situation, he was honest. I doubt she will say, "It must be all the great steaks and sexy little numbers I wore for you!" Because it wasn't. He was faced with a choice and he made the right one. <br /><br />Relationships take work. Marriages fall apart over 50% of the time. But men, (or women) aren't entitled to cheat. The bar isn't lower for them. By assuming that they are these visual creatures, and lack self-control, men should be insulted. Their sexual desires aren't stronger than their intelligent brains or morals. And by assuming that any woman or wife could possibly do anything to prevent her husband from cheating, that any part of the infidelity is her fault, one would be insulting women and providing men with a sense of entitlement to cheat.<br /><br />I encourage women to take a men and masculinities class. <br /><br />I have been cheated on, multiple times by one partner, even while pregnant with his child. I left him. I have education and life experience.<br /><br />Women- don't settle. Expect more. Set the standards high. You are absolutely worth it.<br /><br />kalikalihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06755948726063673163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-66491682964080609892009-12-05T10:55:40.400-06:002009-12-05T10:55:40.400-06:00I know that psychologically men need sex more than...I know that psychologically men need sex more than women, but with teen pregnancy rates sky high, I have to disagree that women ARE sexual creatures too. We just have babies, and get tired and change our minds more than men. So....keep up with the sex in a marriage. This is the key. Men go where the sex is. Bottom line. Yes, some are good boys and put up with their boring marriages, but I'm no gorgeous bombshell and my man stays with me. Why? Because I feed him homecooked meals, love him unconditionally and give him what he needs...you know, in the bedroom. Very old fashioned and unpopular to say it that way, but it is the truth. Men are very simple creatures. Women LOVE your man, literally. (P.S. We've been married 14 years, together for 18. No it's not always easy and we fight...a lot.) Great post!Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17480939903983271555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-13632865438147334072009-12-04T20:38:01.466-06:002009-12-04T20:38:01.466-06:00To Simone- STANDING OVATION. CLAPPING OUT LOUD.
...To Simone- STANDING OVATION. CLAPPING OUT LOUD.<br /><br />To the anonymous post below AH COFFEE - Of course...people will be attracted to others...it's natural. I once heard a sermon in church that I will never forget...<br />"IT'S OK TO HAVE THOUGHTS.... IT'S NATURAL. IT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH THOSE THOUGHTS THAT MAKE THE SIN".<br /><br />HELLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />PEOPLE CHOOSE TO CHEAT.<br />PERIOD.<br />LOVE IS A CHOICE.<br />CHEATING IS A CHOICE.<br /> <br />IT'S ALL SO SIMPLE.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-60233602161239128232009-12-04T18:21:57.452-06:002009-12-04T18:21:57.452-06:00Lord almighty! This is quite the topic these days....Lord almighty! This is quite the topic these days. I agree with everything you said except that men are sexual creatures and women are not. I am on the same level with my husband in wanting to and in other relationships, sometimes I wanted it more. I've always been that way and can't understand women that only to do certain "acts" to get a man. <br /><br />Men cheat. Women cheat. Ask Me. Ask my husband. Both of us have had it happen to us. Sex was NOT the reason in either circumstance. Trust me! Why do they do it? I think it's an ego thing. <br /><br />As far as working on a marriage... sometimes you need to ask yourself if you're the only one working on it and if they cheat well than they gave up and it's time to kick their butt out.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-7343527639875151172009-12-04T17:15:02.176-06:002009-12-04T17:15:02.176-06:00I really think in a situation like this its comple...I really think in a situation like this its completely off base to blame anyone but him. Granted, we never know what's going on between two people in a marriage, and I hate that the private life of celebrities is even up for discussion, but really he's the only one responsible. Not his wife who didn't do this or that to keep him from straying and not the naked, tempting mistress. No one forced him in or out of anyone's bed. I've been on both sides of this coin. I met someone a few years ago, dated him casually, slept with him, was on the verge of falling for him, only to find out a few months later that he had left out that one signifigant little detail--his wife.. <br /><br />I think some men (and women) do not belong in monogamous relationships and therefore should stop trying to be in them--they only end up hurting everyone..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-52540016457488519072009-12-04T11:35:05.830-06:002009-12-04T11:35:05.830-06:00I agree with these comments:
1. Once might be a mi...I agree with these comments:<br />1. Once might be a mistake...repeatedly with multiple women? That is more than just "being human and making a mistake".<br />2. Also, I'd like to think that keeping myself in shape and attractive and doting on my man is all it takes - but have you seen Tiger's wife?! That doesn't always do it apparently.<br /><br />No one is immune to temptation, but we all have a choice in our actions.Melany @ Project Anthologieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182246617200362244noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-25987989977824720312009-12-04T10:58:26.855-06:002009-12-04T10:58:26.855-06:00OK, I'm sorry but I disagree greatly with some...OK, I'm sorry but I disagree greatly with some of these coments. Both sexes cheat period. It sometimes has nothing to do with sex and sometimes it has EVERYTHING TO DO with it. My husband and I have discused this many times. We are commited to each other and in love but we understand that THIS THINGS HAPPEN sometimes. We BOTH work hard at our relationship. In all honesty I will forgive him if he would ever cheat on me and I know he would do the same. I don't believe that this would be a reflection of his love for me or his family. <br /><br />There is NO WAY that in your lifetime you are not going to be attracted by another person other than your husband/wife. I just really wish this was not on the news. Thats for the Woods to figure it out, not the media. Also Nancy Grace got me really upset saying that both Tiger and his wife where lying to the media to cover their issues...well DUH Nancy, maybe because IS THEIR LIFE, I think they have EVERY RIGHT to lie about it if they see it fit.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-3912746629426159852009-12-04T10:25:57.568-06:002009-12-04T10:25:57.568-06:00It has happened in my marriage, and I wrote a post...It has happened in my marriage, and I wrote a post about it on my blog awhile back. God doesn't waste a hurt.<br /><br />http://aahcoffee.blogspot.com/2009/02/im-speaking.htmlaahcoffeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05883362662828275413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-67058492967694389122009-12-04T09:36:16.921-06:002009-12-04T09:36:16.921-06:00The older I get, the more I realize that infidelit...The older I get, the more I realize that infidelity touches almost everyone in one way or another. If it has happened to you, it's happened to someone you know and care about. It sucks.Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01554312317203283456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1657464649079822028.post-72071757929146206432009-12-04T08:29:08.029-06:002009-12-04T08:29:08.029-06:00Interesting post Kasey.
I agree with you that mar...Interesting post Kasey.<br /><br />I agree with you that marriage takes work....but what about all those wives who "work" at it for years....and then find out their husbands have been cheating etc....I would imagine Elin Woods "worked" pretty hard at her marriage - the British coverage of Tiger Woods' situation has probably been much less than over there - but look where it got her. <br /><br />It takes work on both sides - not just the little wife at home making herself pretty and making nice dinners - you could do that every day of your life but it wouldn't necessarily stop a cheating husband - as we all know.<br /><br />I absolutely agree with the commenters above who have said so what if men are "visual" creatures, what about their marriage vows and their morals? <br /><br />Just cos they are "visual" does that give them an excuse to cheat? <br /><br />Of course it doesn't, some of the comments do sound as though they are taking the view that we as women have to make allowances for men just because they are not quite as strong as us morally.<br /><br />No wonder some people felt they nearly had to make their comments anonymous, I nearly did actually.<br />I feel it is this kind of viewpoint that blames the "other woman" instead of the husband.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07435722126028910012noreply@blogger.com