6.27.2009

cruise control.....

I'm in the chatty mood right now......just finished a few glasses of vino....which always helps open my mind up....

i went with a friend last night and saw ' a movie' .......in which i also read the book....probably 3 or 4 years ago.....and let me tell you...... i bawled....actually the whole theatre was bawling......and this is a story of a family of three children...just like myself.


And i felt as a mother of 3 children that even though i love each of the three the same......the firstborn is and will always be a firstborn.

We mothers of more than 2 children know how much energy goes into our first child.....they are not competing with other children...we have more time with them......we dote on them.....

it is a fact.


I am a lucky girl.

I know this.

I don't know what it is like to have a sick child.....

or to lose a child.

I can't imagine what a family goes through because of a situation like this.

If you have....my heart goes out to you....

i know marriages only have a 30% success rate after the death of a child....

and i can totally understand why.........as a mother.......my whole being would be about my child ......
all the while knowing that when i married my husband we told each other that our marriage would always be first and foremost.....even before the children........marriage first...children second......
both of our parents are still married and hold the same values.....



so i cruise on cruise control.........and i think alot of us do......

we never anticipate....we never assume.......

we just cruise...

xo

34 comments:

Susan said...

how right you are.
I also saw 'that movie'.
What a beautiful post.
Susan

Sa-Sea Boutique said...

I have decided I am NOT going to see "that movie!"!!! I cry at commercials and do not want to stay awake at night thinking of what COULD happen! I prefer to cruise....unknowingly just cruise! I enjoy my sheltered little mind. :)
i think I need a glass of wine now too! :)
xoxo

Tracy is ... Loving Pretty Things said...

i am debating on seeing 'that movie' - is it an emotional journey i need? i just don't know the answer to that yet...

loved this post - makes me so thankful that I haven't had to experience a sick child, and my prayers go out to all those who are suffering with their children.

(so i'm sipping on Trader Joe's PomLimeade with a little vodka...i'm a bit chatty, too!)

cheers ~

Jackie said...

I've just had a few glasses myself. I haven't read the book or seen the movie, but I can't imagine the heartbreak of having a sick child or of losing one. I have read that one of the best gifts you can give your children is a happy marriage...so that's what we do - love each other like crazy, love our kids like crazy and cruise along as a family, hoping for the best. Thanks for a lovely post!

J.J. said...

beautiful post...I am not sure if I want to see that movie or not. I have not read the book either. decisions...decisions

Beth said...

This has helped me make the decision to definitely NOT see the movie or read the book. I allow myself to worry...and dread... and fret...and 'what if' far too often. Cruise control is a challenge for high-strung mommies like myself. I also completely agree with you regarding your comments on firstborns. When we give birth to our first child we also "give birth" to ourselves as mothers. Our new found identity plays a big role in making firstborns unique. Thanks for the thought provoking post :).

*The Beautiful Life* said...

What a great post. I can definitely tell you, you do see through "new" eyes after such a loss. But it is a choice, to be sure, to go forward and begin to live each day to the fullest, not overlooking one little detail of each day -- and loving each little one of them. Its as though you live life like each day is your first -- with also the realization that each day could be your last. Its a bittersweet life, but a deeply-felt life.
Not sure if I'll see the movie -- but hey, I'm the one who always ends up leaving the room (in tears) when I watch Pooh's Grand Adventure, so... :)

Marci @ All Things Wonderful said...

Such a great post. Life is so fragile. Thanks for the great reminder to take life slowly. I am so thankful to be blessed.

M.L. @ The House of Whimsy said...

Thank you for stopping by recently. I love seeing your happy pink balloons in my comment section. : )
We lost our Preston to cancer when he was 18. Having him for those 18years was an incredible journey. It's amazing to me how many lives he touched for good. He was an absolute people magnet, handsome out to the wa-zoo, and incredibly talented. What an honor to have been his mother. Fortunately, God left the other three here for me to continue to love and be with while we wait to be reunited with Preston, one day. And now, we've been blessed with three more little pumpkins (from my oldest two that are married) that call me "Nana". : )

Alicia said...

oh i most definitely can't see that movie...i'm far too emotional and just the thought of life without my children sends me over the edge.

Alicia said...

I have expereinced many accidents the last 5 years so I've learned to enjoy the moments you get to coast but remember that the road is always twisting & turning. I've benn brusied, poked & even put under but somehow even when I hate the idea of getting back on, I always do.
Above all never be afraid to drive or cry...

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

Awesome Post!

Chantal said...

Beautiful post. I like the bicycle, the daisy. I don't think I would want to watch the movie. I'm too emotional.

La Table De Nana said...

Beautiful and thought inspiring post,as well as the warm and touching responses .

Lissa said...

I probably won't see "that movie" now. That is one thing that is getting me through me trial. Knowing that the girls are okay and healthy. I would take on the world for them... take all their pain... If only they will be okay! Love you Kasey!

truly blessed said...

i read the book and will probably see the movie sooner or later. i'll be sure to bring a box of tissues, or better yet, wait and rent it so i can cry here at home.
love the bike pics. the flare on the last one is so pretty.

sherry lee said...

Life teaches us to appreciate and value each and every day because we don't know what tomorrow will bring. It teaches us to love and value those we hold closest to our hearts. Sometimes the lesson is only taught through loss or tragedy/trauma. The lesson is there even so and it's only our decision to learn it that makes it so.

I tried to read the book and couldn't and I know I won't be seeing the movie. Especially when the author says that the ending has been changed from what she wrote.

Jill said...

Kasey, You have such a way with words, this particular post speaks for so many of us! Wow, and even after a couple glasses of wine you are brilliant!

C Maisy said...

so true, so true~
xoxo

blossom said...

such a lovely post....i had planned on seeing *this movie*, having cried my way through the book and even crying at the trailers....but, reading the comment from sherry that the ending is not the same as the book, now i'm not sure
anyway....very honest sentiments
xx

Kathy's Red Door Welcome said...

I lost my only sister when she was only 28 years old of a brain tumor. Before she died I could knock on her bathroom wall(she lived in an adjoining duplex) and ask her if the coffee was ready yet. She was two years older than I. At the time she died I had two little girls and when she passed I just knew I had to have one more child. I hated being left an only child. Now I have three girls and my youngest daughter has my sisters name for her middle name. Nothing can prepare you for that bump in the road, for sure! It's trite, I know, but appreciate every moment with your loved ones while you have them.

Chablis said...

You're like a spiritual speaker. Very profound- the vino probably helped. :)

Leah C said...

I haven't seen that movie yet...not sure I'm up for it. Read the book and cried all the way through it. You're right, we do "cruise" through life; but, when I let myself think of the "unimaginable", I become paralyzed with heartache & fear. I love my husband dearly & would be lost without him. But, my children are my life...without them, there is nothing. Time for some hugs now...

LuLu said...

I can't see the movie... the commericals get to me as it is...I cried during UP {bawled like a baby during the movie UP} I loved your message in this post.
xo,
LuLu

Tara said...

So true sweet Kasey, so true! We are all very fortunate to have what we do, I try not to take any of the forgranted, and I am not sure if I will see that movie...might be too much for me! Thanks for the reminder...I will go and kiss my baby now, after I get him to sit still for just a minute! :) hope you are having a great weekend on Cruise control...sweet bike too~

tracey said...

When my second was 5 weeks old, a very dear friend of mine lost her first born baby to SIDS at only 3 months old. It affected me deeply and I have since tried to always cherish the little things about my children and our precious time together. Not always easy, but I try. Lovely post:)
T

Em @ Bunch of Scrap said...

I am reading the book right now, really want to see the movie. My firstborn is also my only daughter, I have two boys after her. She is special in many ways ;)

Wendy @ The Shabby Nest said...

Hmmmmmmmm. I'm going to be thinking about this post all day, I can already tell you that. It's amazing how a little baby can come into your world, and all the sudden your world is ALL about them? (or 4 little babies in my case, but you know what I mean.)
;-)

Sarah said...

I can't wait to see that movie! Great insight into things, thanks for sharing!
I know my husband and I often have talks when he feels me being more kid-centered and he wants me to ground myself more into focusing on us. It can be hard but honestly, I know too many couples that forgot that once the kids grew up it would be the two of them again, so we work hard to make it a priority so we aren't getting re-acquainted after the kids leave...

Wow, I will be thinking a lot about this post this week too! :)

jenny said...

way to go! we have been married 6 years and plan to be together forever too! it`s not always easy, but it`s awesome planning a future with another person/people. we have 2 girls...
3 cheers to you and your hus.

Brenna LaPray said...

Such an inspiring post Kasey. I agree with you 100%.

Suzanne : : S.HOPtalk said...

So so true. My first child is my favorite too--she also happens to be my only child, so what you've described is unimaginable. I have to push those thoughts right out of my head and, as you say, cruise along and cherish how blessed I am.

Perhaps someday I'll be ready to see the movie too.

Sara said...

love your bike picture missy! so pretty!

The Lil Bee said...

A very sobering post. But I appreciate your honesty. I already am avoiding that movie...I don't do well with ones like that...