9.15.2009

reaching ....









Every once in a while it is O.K. to be a.... little ....naughty.

Tomorrow i am making a naughty decision....but it's in the best interest of my little girl.

You see.....i have a little girl who is wedged in between two boys...


you could call it....middle child complex......


we've been struggling for a while.....and i don't know if it is because we are

so similar in our ways.....we both are so strong willed . hard headed.

I am a firm believer in raising strong girls but lately .....with the way she speaks to me


......the way she is acting.....

something is going on in her little brain that i can't grasp.

Is she wanting to be heard.....is she overwhelmed.......is she unhappy......

And it's only with me.



It breaks my heart.....because i get mad............i get frustrated.....and i get angry with her.


I am sad.


sad that i get mad at her.


sad that she needs something that i'm not giving her.

So with me heading out of town on Friday for a long weekend away {girls trip to Ohio for the Country Living Fair..}.............

i have decided to pull Lola out of school tomorrow and spend it with just her and i.

I don't know what we will do yet....maybe breakfast....the park..... just a few hours while her brothers are



in school and it's just her and i......

i am going to be totally unselfish for the day and spend it with a little girl that is really in need of her mom.
{suggestions always welcome..because i realize while i'm not perfect...and no mother is...but women helping women is always appreciated.}

xo

{image from HERE}

75 comments:

Jill said...

I think what Lola is doing is quite normal for girls...I have 2 of them - just wait until Lola is 11...I am dealing with that right now....but that's a whole nother story....

About once a year I give each of my girls a day we call "spoil me rotten day" - they get to pick what they want to do (and it is more about "doing" than going and buying things). Choices have included parks, a movie, lunch and even a pedicure with mom...

Enjoy your day with Lola!

Oh, and have fun at the Country Living Fair! I am Junk Bonanza-ing it this weekend!

Jill

paige said...

i think little miss lola is gonna get her love tank filled up
& she's going to remember that her mama wanted more for her than just a day of reading, writing & arythmatics ( darn it, did i just mispell that)
that her mama stopped her day
to love on her

& i bet one day she's gonna tell another toe headed little one how much her mama loved her when she was feeling blue

priceless

Chablis said...

Love that picture! I have the same issue with my oldest. We are just too alike! An hour getting pedicures sounds divine...go ahead...spoil her!

Alison said...

I have heard that the relationship a mother has with her daughter is more difficult than with a son. I think your girls-only day is wonderful. I hope you and that Lola of yours have a great day. Nothing like a day of playing hooky to recharge the batteries! Oh, and have fun at the Country Living fair (you lucky lady)!

Nora said...

I think what you are doing is so great. I think that just spending time with you alone is something special that she will for sure cherish. I will pray that you two have a blessed day together.

Anonymous said...

I really cherished the days my dad used to spend just with me. I try with my kids and I hope they remember these times fondly. Alex and I like to steal a day away in the city. We also had a good time at Paint-a-Pot and everytime he is testing me I make a nice cup of coffee in the mug he made and try hard to remember that this is a passing moment. There is a shop near us http://www.terracottagepottery.com/

a little bit vintage said...

Super sweet idea! I know that you will both love it...no matter what you do. ;)

Smiles,
Rachel

Jamie said...

You are a great mom! That is exactly the right thing to do. Have a fun day!

Julie White said...

It's a great idea. We have two boys and once in awhile we have special time with the boys. We each take one switching around and let them create the schedule, within limits...chocolate chip pancakes, shell collecting, pajama day...no Disney trips. We make it a day of listening to them, just reconnecting. It always ends with them grabbing my hand and telling me how much they love me, and trust me....I don't always get that from them. Good luck, and have fun at the Country Living Fair. Jules

tara said...

My mom used to take me shopping, I loved it...just bought me a couple new things, nothing big, but is was awesome and I remember it to this day...

mani/pedi? :)

Simply Me Art said...

Is this post right up my alley! You see I actually have lots of experience with a very independent girl. I agree with you all the way, I too have done my best to raise a very strong girl and sometimes it bites me in my butt!! I will tell you though as they get older, they settle a bit, the conflict and fire is still there, but there is more of a friendship and maturity starts to kick in. Don't tell my girl but I Adore her and am so Proud of strength and mouth that keeps her strong. There are many, many days when she opens that mouth to me and I could "knock her into next week!" Some how they mature a bit and understand and maybe just don't feel like they need to stand their ground and be mouthy as much. What you are doing tomorrow is the RIGHT thing to do, Lola spending the day with mom alone is probably what she may need right now. It can be so hard as a mom sometimes to balance everything and every child along with work and all that face us in our lives. Miss Lola is a Doll and Thank God she is Strong and uses her mouth as a young Girl, it's not easy now, but I'm sure in years to come you will be filled with pride at the strong woman you have raised. Sorry to go on.. I feel pretty passionate about raising a strong girl. Have Fun tomorrow... xoxoxoxo, Jamie

Gaia said...

and so...How was the day with your girl, just the two of you?
This is a very nice post...I adore my mom and I'm in the middle of two brothers and I know what you mean and how she feel! You took the right decision to spend the ay woth your girl.!

AshleyR said...

I think you should let Lola pick what she wants to do. She will definitely remember it as "her" day. Mommie and me time... how sweet!

P.S. Can't wait to see ya!

Beth Gales said...

Enjoy your day and I promise you that things turn around....they stay spirited but they mature into great women and you will miss days like today when they are moved out and on their own!

Martha said...

Enjoy...enjoy...enjoy!!! I think whatever you do she will without a doubt remember just being with you:)

Sa-Sea Boutique said...

aww! I was the EXACT same way with my mom!!! It wasn't because I was upset with her for any reason...I think it was because she gave the reaction.
I do ALWAYS remember that when we would go shopping we would both be SO Happy and life was so great!
enjoy your day with your little girl and just know that she acts that way to you...because she knows you will love her nomatter what!

Jboo said...

Sounds like you have a great plan there for you and your girl! Enjoy your day off together!

Janet

Little Buttercups said...

Thank yo so much for sharing your struggles! I too am going through something with my oldest daughter and you have inspired me to turn her homework project into something truly special this week!

Thank you for the inspiration!

Simone said...

Oh Kasey, you wouldn't believe how your post speaks to me right now. unbelievable.

I wouldn't say my daughter is the strong, independent type but from being the easiest child in the world, we are suddenly having little clashes.....and it is breaking my heart....it's so hard!

I too am trying to find ways of having one to one time with her - funnily enough, am taking her out for tea tomorrow, just the two of us.....hope you and Lola have a wonderful time together.....special girls xo

Victoria@WhimsybyVictoria said...

I can relate to this...you are not alone. I think as mothers we expect much more from our daughters, because we want them to be strong and independent...at least I do on mine. My daughter can be very strong headed...much like me. There are times we like to spend time together and other times we drive each other crazy. I think it is just a normal phase between mother and daughter. I know the one thing my kids love the most is just the time we spend together. Go have manicures or pedicures together, lunch, shopping and talk a lot...at least this seems to work for my daughter and I. Have a wonderful day...she will remember it forever.

Have a great time at the Country Living fair...I wish I still lived in Ohio!!

Hugs to you,
~Victoria~

mimi charmante said...

I think that miss lola is one lucky little girl to have a mom who is willing to do whatever it takes to improve the situation. I wish you a wonderful bonding day together and know that she will feel the love you are sharing with her.
xx

Zita - Mlle Magpie said...

Kasey, ask Lola what she'd like to do. Whatever it is, do it and I guarantee things will improve, especially if you don't really want to do what she wants to do :) That's my advice and I'm going to stick by it. Maybe a matinee movie and popcorn - I was going to say a chick flick, but I'm backtracking again - any movie that she's been wanting to see. Let us know how it goes...

Slices of Beauty... said...

No kids yet but guess it's perfectly normal to feel that way.
Love strong willed girls though.

luckygirlgifts said...

I know it is hard to deal with outspoken, "strong" girls.
When my girls get really frustrating, I remind myself that it's better than being push-overs. It's better than being the kind of person that just does what everyone else wants. It's really great that she feels that she can talk back to you. That she's not afraid of you. She knows that you will love her no matter what. She knows that no matter how wretched she's acting or how mad she makes you that you will always love and forgive her. If she didn't know that, she would never treat you that way for fear of losing your love and approval.
Does any of this make sense?
I hope so, and I hope I'm right.
I keep telling myself these things as I deal with my two teenage girls.

The Flying Bee said...

Well, I don't have girls, but since I am one and I grew up with two brothers, I always loved it when it would be just me and my mom for the day, which wasn't that often becasue she was a single mom and had to work a lot. We never really did anything expensive. We couldn't. But once when I was about 8 or 9 she let me get dressed up in her prettiest outfits and do my make up and hair and then she took pictures of me like I was a model. It was so fun! I still have those pictures and it brings back great memories.

Lola will treasure this time with you.

Have fun together!

Blondie's Journal said...

Kasey,

It looks like you have received more advice than you could ever use, so I won't say anything except I have 'been there'. If I could do it over, I would not have said "Yes" to my girls so many times just to keep the peace and make them happy, and I would have followed my husbands tried and true advice...don't argue back with them.

Spending an entire day with Lola sounds like a fabulous idea. Take lots of pictures so she can remember it later, because...things will probably go back to where they were. She needs to mature to appreciate you as a person and respect you as a woman.

You are doing a terrific job, Kasey and BTW, I am so envious that you are going to the County Living Fair. I seriously thought about it...

xoxo
Jane

Chez Zizi said...

That's cool Kasey. Sometimes we need to spend that special time with our children to remind them we are there for them, we are cool and they are special.
xoxoZizette
P.S. HAve an awesome day.

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

You're a fantastic "naughty" mama. You are following your instincts, which is usually the best we can hope for.

My idea: Make it a Yes Day. Ask he what she'd like to do and do it. And just keep saying yes to her (semi-reasonable) requests for the rest of the day. I catch myself saying no out of habit, so every now and then we do Yes Day. I'm always surprised at how normal and low-key the requests are. (I don't tell them ahead of time that it's Yes Day, which really throws 'em for a loop! And it probably keeps them somewhat in the realm of sanity.)

Have fun. :)

Farmgirl Paints said...

What a good mama you are. Recognizing those signs and being in tune with her is amazing. I'm sure you will think of something special to bridge the gap. Hope it goes well:)

Frippery said...

Great idea, not naughty at all. My daughter is 18 now and starting college next week. I would occasionally keep her home just to spend some time together. The parent connection is every bit as important as a day at school, especially if you feel the need to touch base. My girl is my friend as well as my daughter and her own person. Different from the young adult I expected she would become when she was a child and even more lovable because of that! Take time, it flies quickly!!! hugs to you both, Pam

Michelle@Fromhousetohome said...

I have the same issues with my Hailey, she's my oldest child though. I find when I spend some special alone time with her it really helps. I try and take one of the girls with me to the store when I go. Just one. And we switch off. My son goes all over with me since he's not in school full time like they are, so I give them a turn.
You know what is best, enjoy your day.
~Michelle

A.Love said...

You are so far from naughty!
My mom did this with me a few times..."Mental Health Days."
Of course, we didn't DO anything fun but if I were to be 8 again and do it right, I'd want dessert for breakfast, breakfast for lunch, a trip to the candy store...I'd just want to break all the rules :) (and apparently eat...A LOT)

Leah C said...

Sounds just like my older daughter and me...sometimes we just clash. And I get sad & frustrated when we do. When I was pregnant with her, I prayed that she'd be strong & outgoing. Well, my prayer was answered but I didn't realize that meant she'd be strong-willed {aka stubborn}! Mothers & daughters, such great love there, but such great angst, too. I think you've got a great idea for you & Lola...hope you have a wonderful, happy day together:)

Jacqueline said...

The thing is , there's no magic formula....you just have to do what you think is right and that's what you're doing...have a great day with your daughter..she's just growing up. XXXX

Joyce said...

What a wonderful idea to spend the day with your daughter. She will remember the time she was able to stay home from school so she could spend the day with her best gal. A very special mom you are to read between the lines, and not only hear but listen to the words in between. Many hugs. xoxo

Carmen said...

It's definitely a girl thing. I'm going through something similar with my middle daughter who's 9 years old. I think the girl day is just exactly what Lola needs. Have fun!

Kim said...

As I read your comments on your daughter wedged between 2 boys, tears are flowing down my cheeks. I am struggling with my "sandwich girl". So strong, so emotional, sassy, and tender. EXACTLY like me. Do you think that's what makes it so hard? I think God has a special plan for my girl. She's only 7 now, but will you vote for her in 2024. Lot's of love, lots of tight boundaries, and time alone with me. That's what's working for us...today.

susieharris said...

Kasey...sweet kasey. Been there and done that. It's something about little girls around that age. They do grow out of it...promise. Im living proof! Have fun on your special day and I wish I would be with you next weekend! Sounds like tons of fun. Im thinking about going to Round Top. Susie~

The Hills said...

That is so sweet!! What a good idea! I'm sure she'll love it.

Kathy's Red Door Welcome said...

I just had to leave a comment and tell you how much I love your style. I always enjoy reading your posts. They are full of life and exuberance! Did I spell that right? Anyway, I love the style with which you express yourself with.

Anonymous said...

I'm a grandmother to 2 boys...but I had 2 daughters now 38 and 31. I was also 1 of 5 children and my mother used to take each of us out of school 1 day per year. You are spot on that she is in need of just you. And yes, we want our girls strong and it is a difficult relationship. But let me tell you the rewards. My girls are my best friends. Oh their tongues still hurt me occasionally but both call me everyday, come to my house at least every other day, can still take a nap at my house at the drop of a hat, still ask for their favorite foods, still make me laugh uncontrollably...and more than ever value their mother. One thing I always tried to do was take the negative attitudes, harsh words, anything that they thought might shock me, etc. with a grain of salt - do not take it personally. Sometimes moms are just needed to be sounding boards. How we handle those situations empowers our children. Oh my goodness, I've gotten so wordy. Suffice it to say, you're aware of what your daughter needs and you're responding - she'll love it! VB

Tracey said...

That's really nice! Have fun with sweet little Lola!

:) T

Jerri said...

Kasey how awesome of you to recognize and do something about Lola's need for you! She will always remember her "special" day...and I agree with the above comment that its better that you be her "sounding board" even if it hurts. Its hard with mother/daughers especially if they are alot alike but wouldn't trade mine for the world. I am currently struggling to maintain relationship with college son and its so heart"aching" somedays I think I can't bear it!
Looking forward to girls weekend! I need it! Be careful coming over girlies!

mrs boo radley said...

Do what you gotta do! I wish I could have breakfast in the park! Hmm...maybe I will. Awesome. Enjoy your blissful Wednesday with your second-born. They get lost in the shuffle sometimes. xo

Transparent Mama said...

Good mama! You are doing the best thing you can- being there just for her.

The Little Red Shop said...

Does Lola know that she will be playing hooky with you tomorrow? Have you thought about surprising her with some little trinket at breakfast? I am with the others who think that you should ask her what she would like to do. Having two brothers made my relationship with my mom extra special to me...her time meant a lot. I'm just like my dad...so my mom and I didn't butt heads : ) My dad was the "fun" one...so anything creative my mom would do...like writing little notes on my lunch napkins...was extra special..and I still have all of the notes!

Have a beautiful day!

: )

Julie M.

truly blessed said...

i hope your day is wonderful. whatever you do together will be special, because you are just that...together.♥ one on one time is a good thing. talk, laugh, listen and enjoy each other.

xo

adrienne said...

Kasey, I am giving you an address of something I just read on this the other day. My daughter, who has 2 little brothers, needs one on one time with mom--more often than I realized. When her behavior gets unruly, this time helps.

http://granvillehouse.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-have-to-give-little-background-on-my.html

Being a mom is hard work. Moms need to encourage each other!

adrienne

Tiffany said...

Oh, Kasey. I love it. They are in school for so long, one day is nothing. In the scheme of things, her relationship with her Mom is WAY more important. She will remember this day forever, I'm sure of it. Enjoy every minute! I'm sure she will.

Rue said...

I've been going through this with Annie. She was my mini me and now she's a different kind of mini me, the teenage kind. One year ago she would sit in my lap and now she wouldn't do that for all the tea in China. I don't have any suggestions, but I think you're on the right track :)

xoxo,
rue

traci said...

what lola is going through is so normal. she will go through it a few more times in her quest to grow up. it is wonderful that you are taking her out to spend the day with her. i used to do that with karlie too. enjoy your time together!!

Sarah said...

What grade is she in? I know 3rd grade is the beginning of drama and then it just continues from there. This is their first few weeks back to school after homeschooling last year right? She could be frustrated about being in school or missing alone time with you just like you are pinpointing.
I can tell you that in general girls fight with their moms, everyone I know has that same answer, it is like a sequence of battles until they are grown to fight for the prime position of queen in the household or something to that effect.
(A great book to read is Captivating by Stasi Eldredge)

I would take her on a girly adventure that she leads and chooses, which makes it even more appealing to a girl with her mom and that much less appealing to the brothers that will eventually find out I am sure! :)

My best time with my youngest son was last month with just the two of us and when I asked him what he wanted to do it was simply go to the park and eat cream of mushroom soup at home...I never would have thought of THAT on my own!

I hope you have a wonderful day with Lola tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

I have the opposite my only boy is in the middle. I have always had date night with each of my kids. They love it even now when the youngest are 13 and 18.
Have a great time.
E

c.stone said...

I'm in agreement--I was blessed with three stubborn, hard headed, children. Some days I feel like all I do is yell and then I realize really quick something is quite wrong with that picture and I immediately try to get a grip on myself--not usually successful. However, I think Lola, as often mine do, is crying for some one on one time with her mommy like you understood and are going to give her. You are a wonderful mommy!!!

Lissa said...

I did that once and it was such a great idea! I pulled Nat from school when she was having a hard time and took her to portland for some shopping, swimming, eating out. It was great! We also bought the girls Bible for Princesses. It has a big pink crown and jewels on it and we would do a little devotional at night together before bed. Of course, I went through first and found the ones that best went with her current situation! I would do it again in a heatbeat! xo

Kristin said...

Nothing naughty with wanting to be the best mamma to your girl. Praying and sending you amazing communication, sweet laughter and just true in your time wit her!

xo-k

VINTAGE HOME lifestyle said...

Hi Kasey, so great to hear from you. It has been awhile. I haven't been in the blog world, as much as I would like lately.

Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, looks like to me, you are doing a great job. Have a fabulous day with you little girl.
Big Hugs...
Cathleen

Elisa1 said...

It takes a very wise mommy to realize when her little girl needs one-on-one time. So stop feeling bad and have a blast. There will be many more one-on-one days in the future. I know...I have 3 girls and they let me know when they need mom and girl time. It won't be long before your little girl will begin to ask for those times instead of acting out. Your a great mom for being sensitive. Have a blessed day.

LuLu said...

I'm right there with you wanting Stong girls! what a treat for your daughter.This will be a special day for her and she will remember {i like to believe my daughters will remember when we think they don't and act crazy!} What I have done with my oldest - who is 13 now but when she started to have mood changes towards me and her emotions were all over the place and i would get upset with her i bought an American Girl Care and Feelings {I gave it to her a couple of years ago}.... my daughter LOVES to read, and my talking to her about how she acts and her emotions was not helping, but I gave her the book and told her to read it at her time and when she felt all emotional. and then when we clash I tell her to go read her book!!
have a great day with sweet Lola,
LuLu

Brandie said...

Oh, Kasey, I can totally relate. My oldest has been that way lately too and i just don't know what to do to change it. You'll have to tell me how this goes for you Lola. I could use some help too:(

Kim G. said...

Hope you are having the loveliest of days with your daughter, keep working at it, there will be some rought times, but in the end you may find that she will be your closest friend, in about 20 years after she's done trying to get away from you and realizes she's just a younger version of you and maybe you weren't so bad after all! Blessings...

Erin@ Give Mom a Minute said...

Fabulous idea! Sometimes you need to break the "rules" a little to make someone you love happier. In fact, I think it's something our kids see us do for other adults all the time, and less so for our kids. My mom, siblings and I would have "Adventure Days" where we would go shopping, eat at our favorite restaurant, and stay at a local hotel (so we could let someone else do all the cleanup) and eat dessert in bed all together. I looooved adventure days, and your daughter will feel so special for your time together with her, your spontaneity, and your love. Good mama!

Claire said...

How sweet! I'm very sure she'll appreciate time with mommy. Have a blast! Oh by the way, congrats for being a part of "Blogging for Bliss" -- that's where I found out about your blog :-)

{beth} said...

try 4 girls...my poor mom. how special. get your toes done and get ice cream! have fun girls.

Simply Colette said...

I think it's really special you are doing that. I'm my mom's only, and a total momma's girl... still. And in my late 20's I still talk to her at least twice a day even though we live 2,500 miles apart. That time together is precious. Enjoy!

koralee said...

Have a wonderful day....she will be thrilled! Don't worry about feeling bad for pulling her out..I am a teacher and I have pulled my girls out for special mom/daughters days. They will never remember what happened at school that day but will always remember the special day with mom...my older daughter is in University and still talks about her special days mom pulled her out of school just because!xoxoxo

trishiekoh said...

Have a lovely day out and I hope Lola will be ok.

PS~Erin said...

This makes me cry bc we've been struggling with this for abt a year now. I resolve each day to have patience and then I get so frustrated. I want to build our relationship up in preparation for the teen years, but I fear I break it down. I am so proud of you for recognizing it and doing what you think is needed. Hope your day is absolutely wonderful, and exactly what you both need.

Julie said...

I so relate...I wasn't prepared for the emotional ups and downs of a 7 year old...

I hope you get to enjoy some one on one time...love to hear how it goes.

xo

Cindy-Stitches-N-Stuff said...

Everything has brobably been said, but I am so glad to here about you mother/daughter day. Just love her, with all your heart. That's what she needs.

cindy@stitches

paula said...

I think this was a fabulous idea. I hope you two had fun. If not then try it again.

SoSoBella said...

that is w.o.n.d.e.r.f.u.l.
wonderful.
i hope your day was great.
xo

Angie said...

I think it's great! I just recently spent an entire sunday playing with my daughter. I blogged about it if your interested in seeing what we did. http://treaures.blogspot.com/2009/09/day-13-of-21-day-challenge.html

Hope you two had a fantastic time!

{ L } said...

I don't know if you read this far down your blog...and I know I already told you this....BUT your blog is so amazing!! It is one of my new favorites. Your writing is perfect. This is a lovely place to be. You are very talented...thank you for sharing it with us.

ReminisceHeirlooms said...

kuddos to you! I hope you had a fabulous day. I can so relate with my lexi who is almost ten. :) Bless you both!